Why diets don’t work (THE FUNNY SIDE)

1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
calories.

2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the
candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you
don’t eat more than they do.

4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot
chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look
thinner.

6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints,
Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories
because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of
one’s personal fuel.

7.Cookie pieces contain no fat– the process of breaking causes
fat leakage.

8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are
in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on
a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a
sundae.

9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white
chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be
substituted for any other food color.

10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are
units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and
Popsicles.

11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not
count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500,
Jerry Springer show.

12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all
my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen
thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you
thin.

13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)

14. Tasting other people’s food does not add to your calorie
count.

15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater
one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of
ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one
serving.

Thx for the laugh -  website: http://www.faddiet.com

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